I've got my reasons
by eda1102
Summary: Creek drabbles, includes domestic abuse.
1. Take One

**AN: These are only Creek drabbles. Inspired by my real life. Hahaha, not literally, don't worry xD. I write them only when I'm in the right "mood" (totally down LOL), so don't expect them very often, it's just occasional fic.**

**Just drabbles.**

**Pairing: Creek Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak**

**Warning: Language ( sometimes)**

**Disclaimer: South Park is owned by Matt and Trey.**

**01**

I sit on my bed, hidden under the blankets, still shaking from fear and my twitches. I want him to come back. He's just left like that. First time he's left as if he didn't want it to be solved at all.

I remember all the bruises and burns, kicks and broken bones. I know I used to piss him off THAT much. I remember all the pains. It felt as if I was dying inside. I wanted it to stop so desperately. I wanted to be a good boyfriend to him, so he wouldn't need to hurt me physically like that. I wanted to be better.

He doesn't beat me anymore, he doesn't shout, he tries to remain his calm in my presence so he wouldn't hurt me. But when it seemed like it got better, in reality it all just got worse.

Like today.

We had a quarrel. A bad one. I tried to make it up with him somehow. Anyhow. I honestly think I tried everything. This isn't helping. Thinking about it and pretending it WASN'T my fault. Because it was. It always is. No matter what seems rational, it is always my fault, I know I'm incredibly stupid sometimes. I know it! I know, FUCK!

Sometimes, on days like these, I think it would be better if it would start all over. I think it would be easier for both of us if he would kick me hard in ribs, if he would just twist my wrist, if he would bite me to the point of bleeding. His anger would probably go away and my inner pain wouldn't seem so real. I wish I could turn back the time to the point when I told him to stop torturing me. I know it sounds totally stupid, but I wish for things to be like before. Nothing more. Maybe it would help.

It sure was hell for me, and maybe for him, too. But it was easier than this. I have to cause the pain myself and it isn't helping him in ANY way. I'm sometimes too weak to do something to myself. I'm THAT useless!

He's always leaving with a frown on his face. A frown that hurts so much. He leaves because he doesn't want to hurt me, or maybe even kill me. I think I can understand him, but I want him to stay. Sometimes so badly I'm thinking of something else I could do what would make him stay with me, maybe even feel for me, hold me in his arms.

I'm sorry for being so stupid and for not caring enough, for not listening properly, for being so useless when it comes to everyday life, for being so unreliable, slow and sometimes so cold.

Sometimes, I'm really sorry for being who I am. I always say I want to change, but in reality I think I don't. I've just never changed when I tried thus I think I don't want it enough.

I need to escape. Tonight again.


	2. Take Two

**02**

22nd of March

I keep screwing up. I totally fucked up today, and I feel like I still am fucking up. I hate it when he leaves me hanging like this. He says terrible things to me and then he just leaves. Not talking about no hug or kiss. No. It's about the words, Those stabs were hard today, I had some hard time at the train station when a train was passing, you sure know, what I mean.

I think he's right after all. I'm not one of the smartest. He is, Craig is very smart. And the way he talks about stuff makes me always wanna believe it. It does make me believe the stuff he says. Even if I thought my opinion is the right one, he always makes me realize his is better. It is.

I think the end is not too far, I'm scared I'd be total nothing without him. Again.


	3. Take Three

**A/N: One positive and optimistic of this series 8D, how sounds that, huh?**

**Here, have a wannabe nice creek.  
**

**Take 3 - Smile**

I feel like I've smiled much more often than before me and Craig got together. I used to smile a lot before, too, I guess. But of course after I fell in love and my crush fell back, I'm much happier. Everything's seemed more colorful and it became easier to cope with any kind of problem which came along. It was suddenly easier to not bother with all those pitiful issues I had before.

The love helped me a lot. Craig did. Not only the fact, that Craig looks as he does, makes me smile. It's more like I feel I owe it to others. I feel like I should make it up to people he insults. He doesn't do it often, nor on purpose, it just happens. We go grocery shopping and he's frowning and muttering swear words and pushing through the slow crowd totally angry, complaining about their stupidity. People can hear him sometimes and give him weird, disgusted looks. He doesn't see that, he's too angry to notice. I notice it, though. Those insulted usually tend to give me worried looks, as if they cared 'bout me if Craig treat me in the same manner. I get a little, tiny bit ashamed. It's kinda awkward to deal with those, but what am I supposed to do? To look into the ground as any other time when I have to confront strangers? No. I want to show these I'm proud to walk beside Craig. I want to show them I, or anybody else, don't give a fuck about their fake, worried looks. I simply walk with my head raised and I smile. Or - I try to. It's never a bright, sincere smile which I try to form, but I do smile at them.

I give people one of those smiles when I think Craig insulted them, just to prevent them from getting angry, too, and to avoid a quarrel.

I give people one of those smiles to show them we have our own life and lifestyle and they better keep fucking out.

Yes, I smile a lot. I smile for Craig.


End file.
